so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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