omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
then he tried to convert me to islam
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
