this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
