and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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