She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
