Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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