I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
