If i come over, it means nothing
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
