hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
