i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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