dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize