the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
