Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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