Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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