A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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