Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
