Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
