At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
