We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
