she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
