I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Text me some of your sweat
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