Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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