pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
