He disabled his match.com account in front of me
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize