Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
