I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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