we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
