everyone is single if you try hard enough
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
