It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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