I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Who died my cat blue again?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize