he wants to bone in the snuggie
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
