420 ftw
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
