ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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