My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize