She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
