btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
