I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
