I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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