Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
