standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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