I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
