Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I could make wine with my vomit
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
