I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
