So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
