Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Randomize
