update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
