I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
