The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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