you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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