there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
