There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
