Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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