I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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