I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
