it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
