Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize