OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
