I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
