why didn't you poke me back
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I see more hoeing in ur future
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