Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
