It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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