Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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