Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize