You're my little dorito
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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