I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
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