my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
