I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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