just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize