Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
