I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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