she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
