...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
