Im at strip club and am horny
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
