Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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