it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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