as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
