yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
