I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
