We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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