So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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