Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
