I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
