I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
