Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
