Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
