So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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