i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You made out with two different species that night
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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