this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
