I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
