she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
