Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
