I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
