can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
